S*IT I wrote sometime ago.

Bits and pieces I guess Ive written down during sleepless nights, and had saved on my old cellphone. I use it now, since my other one has passed away.

Written sometime in 2oo9? I think.

And I beg for just one more tomorrow, where you scream your heart out, right into my ear, I will listen, I swear. Because you saved me.

You just jealous, lying to yourself, trying to be someone youre not. Stop the act, your skript isnt that well writtten, I see who you truley are, behind those walls, and the sight isnt pretty.

Have you ever felt so lost, so numb. But still so sensitive that every little detail of this world hurts, like a stabwound?

5/1.

Yeah, uhm not much to report, Ive lost hours at work, Ive gained hours at work, stuff is pretty much the same, I will visit the kiddos in Latvia in August, I cant wait, its one of the few things that still makes me feel alive. Why do I feel like this? Im not even 23 yrs old yet, and I feel so lost, dead inside, so confused and childish, but still like Ive lived forever, that Ive been through a hell lot more than most of my friends. Is life supposed to be like this? Is this what I live for? What do I really like? UGH. I didnt get a loan to buy a house, the bank called me a “lowincome individual”, so they dont trust me with their money I guess. I will figure something out. I wanna go to a few concerts, thats where I truely feel alive and happy, nothing hurts and Im immortal. I went to see My Chem in March, they where great! But all the +12 yr old girls wasnt that great, rude little bitches, fuck! I wasnt like that when I was 12, but I guess everything changes. Still single, no kids, fuck I feel worn out and old, and kinda let down by myself, for how  Ive turned into this weird and boring “adult”. Hmm. If I could, I would write poetry and novels all day long, drink coffee and smoke on the porch in the sun, grow my own food, live of the land and just be happy and dont lie sleepless, worrying about shit I shouldnt care or give a shit about! And go to shows now and again, but these things cost money, so I guess I will work for sometime aka. all my life. LOL. Nah, I WILL figure out a way to do things my way, whatever the cost is, and if it cost me my life, well, atleast I will die happy.

xx.

Annie.